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Funny Jokes

  • What do you call a singer with a laptop on her head

    • A-Dell.

  • When is a door not a door

    • When it's ajar.

  • What do toilets do when they're embarrassed

    • They get a bit flush.

  • How do you organize a space-themed party

    • You planet.

  • Why do pancakes always win at baseball

    • They have the best batter.

  • Why did the robot arrive at the event so tired

    • He had a hard drive.

  • What do runners eat before a race

    • Nothing. They fast.

  • How do you stop an astronaut’s toddler from crying

    • You rocket.

  • What do you call an unpredictable camera

    • A loose Canon.

  • Why shouldn't you use a broken pencil

    • Because it's point-less.

  • What did the policeman say to his nipple

    • You're under a vest.

  • Why couldn’t the sailor learn the alphabet

    • He kept getting lost at C.

  • Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer

    • She kept running away from the ball.

  • What did the dentist win at the competition

    • A little plaque.

  • What do you call a skeleton with only a head

    • A nobody.

  • What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo

    • One's very heavy, and the other’s a little lighter.

  • Why do ghosts like to take the elevator

    • It lifts their spirits.

  • What do you call a patronizing bear

    • A pan-duh.

  • Why did the scarecrow win an award

    • He was outstanding in his field.

  • Why didn't the skeleton ever go on dates

    • He didn't have the guts to ask anyone.

  • Do you want to hear a construction joke

    • Sorry, I’m still working on it.

  • Why doesn't Dracula have any friends

    • He's a bit of a pain in the neck.

  • What do you call a guy who’s really loud

    • Mike.

  • What do you call a retired vegetable

    • A has-bean.

  • Can February March

    • No, but April May!

  • Why shouldn't you marry a calendar

    • Its days are numbered.

  • What do you call a detective that accidentally solves the case

    • Sheer Luck Holmes.

  • What is it called when you have too many aliens

    • Extraterrestrials.

  • What should you do if you’re cold

    • Stand in the corner, it’s 90 degrees.

  • What does a clock do when it’s hungry

    • It goes back for seconds.

  • Why did Shakespeare always write with a pen

    • Because pencils made him ask ‘2B or not 2B’?

  • What does one eye say to the other eye

    • Something between us smells.

  • What was Forrest Gump’s email password

    • 1forrest1.

  • Why should you never trust stairs

    • They’re always up to something.

  • What’s the spookiest kind of author

    • A ghost writer.

  • What did the comedian say to Harry Potter

    • Why so Sirius?

  • Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"

    • Because every play has a cast.

  • What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a keyboard

    • The space bar.

  • Did you hear about the people who stole a calendar

    • They each got six months.

  • Why is it hard to eat near basketball players

    • They dribble all the time.

  • Did you hear about the actor falling through the floorboards

    • He was just going through a stage.

  • Did you hear about the group ski trip

    • It went downhill fast.

  • Why did you decide to get rid of your vacuum

    • It was just collecting dust.

  • This is my step-ladder… I never knew my real ladder.


  • I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don’t know why.


  • I was going to take a bath… But then decided I was going to leave it where it was.


  • A bossy man walked into a bar… And ordered everyone a round.