How do you know if a vampire is unwell?
He’ll be coffin.
Short and sharp
Quick Jokes
Fast punchlines, compact wordplay, and jokes you can tell before the elevator doors close.
36 hand-picked jokes
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Where do pirates get their hooks?
Second-hand shops.
Why did the bicycle collapse?
It was two-tired.
What kind of music do bubbles hate?
Pop.
Why did the hairdresser win the race?
He knew a shortcut.
How did the picture end up in prison?
It was framed.
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
Why did the bullet lose its job?
It got fired.
Why can’t a toe be 12 inches long?
Then it would be a foot.
Want to hear a joke about a roof?
The first one’s on the house.
What does a house wear?
A dress.
What did one wall say to the other?
“I’ll meet you at the corner.”
Why is grass so dangerous?
It’s full of blades.
What’s orange and sounds like a carrot?
A parrot.
Why did the snail avoid the express lane?
It didn’t want to rush into anything.
JokeQ original
Where do hamburgers and hot dogs go dancing?
At a meatball.
How do trees get online?
They log on.
How do billboards talk?
They use sign language.
Which U.S. state serves the smallest soda?
Minnesota.
Why shouldn’t you trust atoms?
They make up everything.
How was Rome split in two?
With a pair of Caesars.
Why did the balloon apply for a desk job?
It was tired of being let go.
What do planets listen to on long trips?
Neptunes.
What did one hat say to the other?
“You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.”
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
He Neverlands.
How can you tell a book has been hiking?
It has plenty of footnotes.
What tree can fit in your hand?
A palm tree.
Why are astronauts so clean?
They take meteor showers.
Why are ghosts bad liars?
You can see right through them.
Why was the comma a good listener?
It always knew when to pause.
JokeQ original
RIP, boiling water.
You will be mist.
How does the ocean say hello?
It waves.
How did the art competition end?
In a draw.
My lamp asked for a promotion.
It wanted a brighter future.
JokeQ original
The calendar started a podcast.
Every episode had a date.
JokeQ original
I bought a bookmark that promised adventure.
So far, it has only kept my place.
JokeQ original